Misha

Misha | Fremont, California, United States

Im Glad Im a Man

8/15/2005 | 2004 views | Category: NeoBlack Poems | Tags: Inspirational Poem,

I’m glad I’m a man, you better believe.
I don’t live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese
I don’t bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts.
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.
I don’t get wasted after only 2 beers,
And when I do drink I don’t end up in tears.
I won’t spend hours deciding what to wear.
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair.
And I don’t go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don’t whine in public and make us leave early,
And when you ask why get all bitter and surly.
I’m glad I’m a man, I’m so glad I could sing.
I don’t have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don’t gossip about friends or stab them in the back.
I don’t carry our differences into the sack.
I’ll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
Or think every guy out there’s trying to steal you.
I’m rational, reasonable, and logical too.
I know what the time is and I know what to do.
And I honestly think its a privilege for me
To have these two balls and stand when I pee.
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball.
It’s more fun than dealing with women after all.
I won’t cry if you say it’s not going to work.
I won’t remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure.
I won’t assume it’s permanent by any measure.
Yes, I’m so very glad I’m a man, you see.
I’m glad I’m not capable of child delivery.
I don’t get all bitchy every 28 days.
I’m glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.
I’m a man by chance and I’m thankful it’s true.
I’m so glad I’m a man and not a woman like you!
And now it’s time for a rebuttal.....
I’m glad I’m a woman
I’m glad I’m a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don’t live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.
I don’t brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won’t drive to Hell before I ask for directions.
I don’t get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.
And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!
I won’t grab your hooters, I won’t pinch your butt.
My belt buckle’s not hidden beneath my beer gut.
And I don’t go around ’re-adjusting’ my crotch,
or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.
I don’t belch in public, I don’t scratch my behind.
I’m a woman you see-I’m just not that kind!
I’m glad I’m a woman, I’m so glad I could sing.
I don’t have body hair like shag carpeting.
It doesn’t grow from my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over you can’t see 3 inches of crack.
And what’s on my head doesn’t leave with my comb.
I’ll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.
I’m a woman, you know-I’ve got far too much pride!
And I honestly think its a privilege for me,
To have these two boobs and to squat when I pee.
I don’t live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don’t swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I won’t tell you my wife just does not understand,
Or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.
Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,
Then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I’m so very glad I’m a woman, you see.
Forget all about that old penis envy.
I don’t long for male bonding, I don’t cruise for chicks
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick.
I’m a woman by chance and I’m thankful, it’s true.
I’m so glad I’m a woman and not a man like you!

View other poems by Misha 11

Rate This Post

Comments

Other Poems By Misha's

The Price of War

Neoblack Poem | Patriotism Poem : Hurriedly dug graves in haphazard linesamidst relatives’ cries.Epitaphs with humble memorialsof the dead but loyal.Teenage boys shuffled to battle bordersare taught to murder.Mothers’ cries which are never heardare of sons feared dead.Cities and towns reduced to a muddle,only twigs are left to cuddl

Continue Reading

Touched Spirit

Neoblack Poem | Black Poem : As I lay here tonightYou’re all thats on my mindWishing you were here to hold me tightAmong all other human kind.Father you know i am scareOf what is to come of my lifeBut i know you careTherefore i am afraid of nothing, even of becoming a wifeBecause i feel your spirit hereAs you have been other ti

Continue Reading

I Will Go On

Neoblack Poem | Inspirational Poem : I remember that night as clear as dayThe mood you were in, mocking me in your drunken waySo clear is that night in my mindI remember I told you that we were throughThat I was leaving youI saw your hands fly up into the airHitting me as though you never caredBecause of you, there is a bruise upon my

Continue Reading

Wishes, Hopes, and Dreams

Neoblack Poem | Inspirational Poem : Every night I close my eyes and goTo a land of wishes, hopes and dreams,Where heart to heart and soul to soulWe fulfill our fantasies.To feel the magic of the moonlightTo kiss beneath the stars,To make love on the beachWith you there in my arms.To caress your sexy bodyAll through the night,The music

Continue Reading

Hanging in Limbo

Neoblack Poem | Life Poem : Hanging in limbo. Neither here nor thereDon’t know what the future holdsSevered completely from the pastI got my feet in the mud. My bloom is trapped in the budAnd I fight the loom of failure like a seven-seasoned sailorGot to find my way up there. Got to build my tomorrowNeed to leave this timeless

Continue Reading

Echoes Of Thunder

Neoblack Poem | Sad Poem : Last week I heard the voice of thunderBooming in LiberiaIt drowned the screams of the childrenThe helpless men and womenYesterday, I heard the crack of thunderIt echoed in SomaliaI saw many young men, deadForever in the dust they made their bedTonight, as I writeI hear the rumbling of thunderRolling

Continue Reading

Silently my soul speaks

Neoblack Poem | Life Poem : Silently my soul speaksIn this void of troubled slumberQuietly my soul picksUp the wasted life of yester-yearsRumbling in my head, or my groinI cannot tell, but I twist and turnOn my bed of stones and sweatAs the world dances bySinging in the exhilarating pitch of lifeBut my head turns away, inwards

Continue Reading

Thunder In The Corridors Of Time

Neoblack Poem | Life Poem : It was a feelingA gentle nudging in my bonesIt was a naggingIn the borders of consciousnessIt was a whisperIn the silence, in the nightA reverberation in theHalls of existenceIt was fireIt was burning in my heartA conflagration of angerAs he pointed at meIt was thunderScreaming down the corridors of

Continue Reading

Im Glad Im a Man

Neoblack Poem | Inspirational Poem : I’m glad I’m a man, you better believe.I don’t live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheeseI don’t bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts.I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west.I don’t get wasted after only 2 beers,And when I do drink I don’t end up in tears.I won’t

Continue Reading

Bedtime Prayer

Neoblack Poem | Black Poem : Now I lay me down to sleep,I pray for a man who’s not a creep.One who’s handsome, smart and strong.Who’s not afraid to admit when he is wrongOne who thinks before he speaks.When he promises to call, he doesn’t wait six weeks.I pray that he is gainfully employed,Won’t lose his cool when he’s annoyed.

Continue Reading

All About Eve

Neoblack Poem | Black Poem : Adam were all alone and looked so sadThat God, without thinking, had asked, ’What’s up, lad?’He knew it were a mistake the moment he’d said it.As Adam spoke up, God started to dread it.He began by complaining that he had nowt to do’Cos he’d named all the animals God had put in his zoo.’It’s not a zo

Continue Reading

More Poems

Piece of Mind

Inspirational Poem | General Poem : Inspired by: Tiffany Franklin Jackson (My Sister) From on the Outside of my LIFE  Looking In...... Many wonder How I managed To still STAND tall... Intervening amongst My children's bickerings Making a MAJOR LIFE DECISION Seem so small... I've worked from DUSK TIL DAWN Cleaning &

Continue Reading

Rainy Day Song

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem : Said she write a rainy day song for me I will even help if you agree OK thats easy for me Rain is always off the hook to me The rain is pure and fresh just like you Rain sometimes express itself gentle and soft cool to the touch reminds me of you so much Listen to the very melodic tone those t

Continue Reading

Something New To Think

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem : I guess we are enemiesbad memoriesleave my heart colder than 10 degreesleaves on a windy eyewondering when can we seebetter timescoming like the sun making the horizon alinewith this picture in my mind thats more pure than peace to mankindive been putting myself back in trapsso im done setting mines

Continue Reading

Falling In Love With SHE

Black Poem | Neoblack Poem : Last night I cried and it felt like I had died a thousand times,                                        &

Continue Reading

Falling In Love With SHE

Black Poem | Neoblack Poem : Last night I cried and it felt like I had died a thousand times,                                        &

Continue Reading

"Clouds Wiped Away"

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem : "Clouds Wiped Away"a forecast of snowy dreams.. never before seen.. yet pleasing to closed eyes.. searching into modified.. storming skies.. overflowing with an.. earthquake of.. Lies...... seemingly easy.. to say your desperate.. GOODBYES!! Dang........... how time flies.. when blindness.. EMPHAS

Continue Reading

Chasing an Image....

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem : (He was a soldier to share his story)Chasing an Image.... Hiding behind drugs and weapons. Out getting high... Not caring about his life after watching his wife die.. Nothing else to do but to Go home and lay down with no one to lay next to you. Bullets flying now faster through the air.. Too much

Continue Reading

Lost Country...

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem : feeling your pain.. every time i see the tears upon your face, the fear in your eyes. that no one is on your side. i just want to reach out and hold your hand not letting go until your needs are now first and spoken out to all with a powerful demand. the broken down place where you once called home

Continue Reading

praying for u..

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem : I say a prayer for them every time I awake.I thought I had a lot on my plate...They are so young,some bold, yet some are scared.Their life is easily bared..Hanging out with all the wrong people.Hungry, dirty, tired.Not able to go home.Not wanting to go home,to school or work.withSome it's clear to s

Continue Reading

YOU'RE WORTH MORE....

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem : YOU'RE WORTH MORE.. Eyes black.. Nose busted.. Broken back... You love him, but do he love you? You saying yeah, but your face is black and blue.. Your heart is bruised from all the mess h

Continue Reading

"words of action"

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem : words of action.. Longing to see... Praying I am... Dreamed of... Becoming and mastering .... I have yet to stop.... Teaching a young soul.... To stand firm... With hold a tighter grip... Ha

Continue Reading

GOD BLESS AMERICA! (USA)

Black Poem | Neoblack Poem : GOD BLESS AMERICA! (USA) She is America, A specimen of limitless beauty Interlocking diversity, united is the states An abode, given to God for own A realm freedom makes home The model he

Continue Reading

Like A Baby

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem : Like a baby I will cradle you in my arms Like a baby I will mystify you with my charms Shall gaze into your eyes like the innocence of a baby Like a baby with a pacifier I will sooth your soul

Continue Reading

IGNORANCE

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem : "IGNORANCE" Why do they look right past me? How long will they ignore  what they truly see? This intelligent Black Woman, Queen and Mother

Continue Reading

Mind Effect

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem : Mind Effect It has now become real to me. How this man leaves a feel in me.. Not just through his words... (Poetry) Although, His words are so strong. Yet so calming. Wishing to hear them pla

Continue Reading

DEEPLY ROOTED

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem :   I STAND 5'3 MY feet FIRMLY TO THE GROUND   THE FOUR SEASONS MAY COME SPRING   SUMMER FALL AND WINTER MY FEET   STILL REMANS FIRMLY TO THE GROUND   DAY

Continue Reading

time 2 get off our high horse

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem :   iz life a x or a y when u come 2 dat point dat like iz a batch n u can't find peace n joy iz remissed u can use mistakes 2 find da truth but da factofdamatteriz wat else can we do we fightn 2 live but racing 2 die live a life 2 proud 2 cry with confident we march 2 da beat of our on

Continue Reading

MBK

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem :             MBK     IT IS MY BROTHER . WHEN IAM IM IN COMMUNE WITH 6OUND 6Y THE COMMUNITY CODE OF 6ROTHERHOOD IT IS MY DUTY TO STAND GUARD OVER HIM AS IT IS HIS DUARY THE STAND GUARD OVER ME FOR LOVE IS THE KEY TO THE DOOR IF THERES NO LOVE IN THE HEAD THEN THE 6ODY WILL SURELY DIE I WILL FOREVER 6

Continue Reading

HE SHALL HAVE THE FINAL SAY...

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem : I FEEL YOU PIERCING INTO MY HEART. NEVER LOVING ME FROM THE VERY START. YOU PLAYING ME ALONG WAS SIMPLY CRUEL. YOUR PERSONALITY IS EXTREMELY RUDE. YOU SOON  WILL HAVE YOUR DAY, JUST YOU WAIT................... REMEMBER THE  LORD HOLDS IN HIS HAND YOUR FAITH. A HORRIBLE HURT= FEARS... YOUR

Continue Reading

Forbidden Fruit

Black Poem | Inspirational Poem : Inquiring minds wish to know, So I sew a seed of understanding into the seams of the Earth. Urging it to grow for our consumption To feed "we the people" a dose of reality until it hurts. We eat up fantasy like dessert, Reality like vegetables and refuse to relieve the Earth. We'd rather look into

Continue Reading